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When I Came Out!

Jun 09, 2019
She remembered who she was and the game changed - Lalah Deliah

There was a time I boarded a plane heading to Colorado, along with a group of incredible women.
When we arrived we all gather in baggage claim and organized the outings for the day. I didn’t have any plans, all I wanted was to get to the rental place, rent my car, and be in my room to prepare mentally and emotionally for the days to come at the retreat. I know myself, and although I love to be around people, I very much enjoy my solitude! 
Also, I knew the event was going to be intense and deep! I had been forewarned: "When you enter the space and tap into the energy, you will not be the same person that goes in. Prepare your husband for the new you". Got to admit now, I underestimated the experience and what came after!

But then, out of nowhere this smily chic full of energy that I could feel from a mile away, breaks from the group and tells me:  “I am going with you”!  Ok, there goes down my solo trip with my thoughts, and endless self talks! Yeah, I talk to myself all the time and answer to the chatter in my mind! 

We get to the rental counter, handed over my credit card, and the lady politely informs me, “we don't accept debit cards”. Embarrassing to say the least! Here I am with someone I just met, waiting for me to rent a car to take us to our retreat homes, and I can't because all my credit cards are maxed out! Yikes, swallow me earth! It had been a hard year in many ways, stories to share some other time.
This amazing soul takes out her Amex, and rents the car instead! Boy am I feeling small and embarrassed!. But the Universe always aligns everything in perfect synergy, and this trip was a master plan from the beginning; and my world as I thought I knew it, was about to be shaken and turned up side down...
We quickly realized that out of all the people in this world, our profiles were exactly the same. What are the chances!? This incredible human that came out of nowhere to save the day, was my soul sister! And my guides had placed us in each other's paths in perfect synchronicity. There are NO chances in life! It does not surprise me, but it always leaves me in awe.
Our drive turned out to be my confession... !
I opened up to her about my story and my gifts. How I can feel the people's energy in person and beyond the virtual waves with such force that at times it leaves me overwhelmed; is it me? Is it them?. That's is why I guard my solitude and my sacred space.
I hear what no one hears. And see what no one sees. The many instances I channelled and was scared to death because I did not know what was happening to me, or knew what to do with it. My family was the only one that knew, and had experienced it with me. And to the bewilderment of husband who wasn't used to this events. 
The next day while we were sitting around our first session, the same awesome soul sits next to me, and when our mentor asks if we've had any breakthroughs or stories to share; she pushes my elbow and kind of "whispers" enough for everyone else to hear: "Dayanna, you have something to share"!! I look at her in panic and denial. Trying to come up with an excuse to get out of this one! 
"I don't want to share! I am not ready"!! The voice within myself was screaming on top of her lungs to no avail...
And in that moment for the first time I surrendered, and shared my truth with a room full of people I hardly knew! I had come out of the closet and shared my most hidden truth filled with shame and fear.
There was an internal struggle of resistance and letting go, all at the same time. What would they think? There goes my credibility! People will think I am crazy!
 I felt a great sense of relief to finally let it out of my chest. For years, I had kept it from the world. I thought I was judging all the time, and felt terrible about it. When in fact, I was feeling the world's energy.
I had put on a mask of  "seriousness" and "strength" that had left me exhausted and broken while in corporate. But then, It was also a gift that without knowing was the centerstage when I was coaching or leading. Tapping into this incredible, flawless beautiful energy, had allowed me to guide myself and other women to a higher level of awareness.
I was able to see beyond and guide them through their journey to unveil the truth of our existence.
It awaken the curiosity, taking me to read extraordinary books, and gracefully guided me to spiritual teachers to sharpened and defined the gifts. It opened up a new world. The intentional, purpose driven journey of self-discovery and growth began.
The self-reflection that invites to look deep within, to embrace courage to face the shadows. Letting go of the imprints of our soul that hold us back. The shame. The guilt. The fear. 
Learning to detach from the ego.  Waking up to the realization that I am not a woman. I am not a wife. I am not a lover. I am not sister. I am not a mother. I am not a daughter. I am not a friend. I am not the titles or the responsibilities I acquired throughout my life. I am not who you think I am, as you see me through your lens of perceptions.
I am an energy being, the teacher and the student on this earth with the sole responsibility of my evolution and transformation. Myself alone have the choice to grow. 
Like me, many are living behind their shadows, terrified of allowing the world to see their gifts and beauty of their truth. Many struggle and look desperately outside to be motivated. When all we need is already within ourselves.
To be Inspired by our purpose, to embrace our God given gifts, and awaken to a world of freedom and inner-peace that can only be found within. 
Our gifts are not ours to selfishly keep... But for the world to abundantly receive. As we learn, so we teach <3

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