On September 2nd, 2021, I felt like I was in a twilight zone.
My husband had an episode scare that landed him in the hospital.
In those eight hours of uncertainty, I questioned how our lives would be—being in the middle of the unknown—running a zillion possibilities in my mind trying to reason––and running scenarios that weren't even happening yet!
At Around 6 pm, everyone's Cell phones were buzzing with weather alerts ––that I had ignored until then—my mind couldn't focus on anything else except medical results. In hindsight, I didn't think it was something to worry about. Living through hurricane alerts in Miami for 22 years kind of numbs you.
What could possibly happen in New Jersey? In the mountains?
Then the minute I stepped outside, leaving JC in the hospital, torrential rain soaked me in seconds––even though I was underneath a roof––the water was pouring down from all directions, and in the parking lot, I was almost knocked down by the surge.
A young gentleman had asked if I was ok––he must've seen me confused and scared. I managed to get to my car and sat there, wondering what was happening.
Leaving the hospital grounds was out of the question –although I tried––All surrounding roads were underwater.
What I desperately wanted to do was get my daughter. Catalina was home alone with water surging inside the basement, and no one could get to her.
Seating in my car, I cried as hard as I possibly could, allowing myself to feel it all without holding back…
The impotence of not being able to help either one of them.
The desperation of not being able to get to my daughter. God, that hit me hard!
Trying to manage communication so JC wouldn't know what was going on.
The fear of not knowing what the future would hold for us. And the fact that I couldn't do anything.
Then just as fast as agony came rushing, I remembered what surrendering felt like–I took a few deep breaths––the shivers stopped, and I began feeling my body again—scanning it. Knowing that whatever I was feeling would leave an imprint and manifest in my health later.
"Dayanna, this you can control. Come back to the present."
Then I remembered the feeling.
During the Manitou Incline climb in Colorado, I entered a deep state of mind. Fully present. Fully aware. All my senses engage in each movement. Each breath. Each step. I could hear with preciseness everything around me, yet I was immersed in the NOW—a surreal experience that gave me profound inner peace, and I can't still describe it with words three years later.
A meditative state and connectedness that allowed me to have an out-of-body experience and the physical strength and endurance to get to the top.
Just to BE–as scary and uncertain as it was at the moment–all that existed was the now. And all I could do was trust that everything would be ok.
And it was…
JC's health scare was an alert! That's how our bodies communicate to let us know to be conscious, wake up and take action.
My parents were able to get to and stay with Cata.
The basement was eventually refinished. Again! Lol
And in the midst of it all...the magic of chaos happens, where we have experienced profound healing.
There are chapters in our lives for which we would not know their title until much later. As much as we want to control, fix, or guarantee outcomes.
The reality is that we can't control anything outside of ourselves. If you try, you'll only face resistance, making it more frustrating and painful mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Surrendering doesn't mean giving up but trusting your ability to be present in the now. The future is only an assumption and an interpretation of past fear base experiences.
Great inner and outer growth and understanding come when you hear with all of your senses and relinquish your desire to control. Then, and only then, you enter a state of flow where each action catapults you forward.
Right, this minute is all that exists.
Dayanna
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