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I Hid My Weirdness - Now I Own It!

Closing another ride around the sun, I feel immensely grateful, and what my words could express would definitely fall short in this attempt to describe what I feel in my core.

Pondering about the lessons as I turned 48 years old...

I was born with a weirdness chip, inner-wisdom, and talent to question everything that I and others not always welcomed. So for years, I hid and purposefully became small—the need to fit in or be accepted twisted my being, figuratively and literally LOL. Then, one day I chose to consciously chisel away the veneer that covered me, engraved with tradition, old beliefs, and inherited perceptions from the nucleus I decided to be born into and the people I later surrounded myself with.

It took me years to acknowledge my wholeness as I stripped away the roles I've acquired throughout my life. It usually happens that way, right!? When you had enough is when we decide to start re-discovering ourselves and heal. First, begin to understand that my background, faith, ethnicity, languages I speak, skin color, or the things I've done, studied, and achieved do not define me. Never has. Like all of you, I am an extraordinary soul born in this lifetime to learn and transcend. That is our task, our journey. That simple! We are nothingness, yet we are whole.

Decades had to go by to muster the courage to say with conviction what I wanted without feeling the need to mirror someone's feelings so that I could be accepted or loved. That includes my loved ones, friends, acquaintances, and every stranger in the world!! Expressing emotions, desires, and wants without guilt or shame is an act of self-love and self-acceptance. That includes our relationship with the primal needs of our feminine sexuality. Yesss, to speak freely and openly about the creative superpower that comes from our womb in a world that told us that aspects of our body were wrong, considered taboo, weak, or shameful.

I am beautiful. My fluctuating body is now preparing to welcome menopause. The wrinkles start appearing on my face. The silver hair that gave me freedom. All of me in my physical form is evolving and harmonizing with how I feel inside, aligning with the inward work I've done.

I am unequivocally ME. A free thinker who deliberately has chosen to remove myself from the collective hype of the world's expectation, rampant fear, and insane competition of who you think I need to be in order to be "successful," "likable," or "worth it." It is non of my business how the world "sees me," and I refuse to mold myself to fit someone's perception of what my existence should be.

I've learned that incredibly simple micro-actions give me sustainable and lasting inner peace and youth... laughter, self-nurturing, being present and connected to my body through movement, being immersed in nature, and consciously breathing.

It gives me the sovereignty to produce happy moments and not wait for life to give them to me, like a distant yearning goal hoping to attain someday!.

Life tests me, at times daily. Nevertheless, I choose to be joyful despite the inevitable trials. That is what life is about, after all. It prepares and challenges me to explore different perspectives and unapologetically remove myself from environments that do not serve my peace.

I believe in myself and my ability to overcome. To manifest. To surrender. To accept. To stand up and use my voice. To BE.

I am profoundly grateful for the family I've created. Imperfect? Hell yes, you bet! I will perpetually navigate and learn through the unknown waters of motherhood as my daughters become extraordinary women, with the understanding that I am only their guide, not the savior that hinders their journey. Even when, at times, and would desperately want to put them in a bubble and not seen them get hurt. While at the same time, I dismantle the traditional belief that being a mother defines me. I am the cycle breaker of generational bondage to free my lineage. That's my quest. Whatever it takes. I might bite my tongue later because life can get complicated, really fast at times! Universe, all I ask is to be benevolent and ease each transition, please!

Gratitude fills my heart for the opportunity to do what I love daily, serve the world and the women who have entrusted me with their inward journey. You leave me in awe with your courage to step inside your story with resolve, owning and releasing it from old paradigms. You inspire me, and I love supporting and watching you rise like a phoenix and the Goddesses that you are!

And so once again, with open arms, I say, Thank you, God, for this life you allowed me to live. Universe, surprise me once more! Ready or not, here I surrender my mind, body, and soul to be lead to where I am needed. And so it is. Aho


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